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He asked me what was wrong and we talked until closing time about my horrendous youth. He apologized and told me that sex between men could be a beautiful thing and nothing to be afraid of. He placed a soft hand on my thigh and spoke quietly, calming my fears and trepidation. I stood, but when I did my own towel dropped and revealed an almost erect penis. My thoughts and feelings had betrayed myself just as I was betrayed by my step brothers so many years ago.“I’m not ready!” I simply blurted out and almost ran from the sauna.Over the next few weeks I thought about what he had said. Could he be right? Was I missing something special just because I couldn’t betray my wife being with another woman? I had heard about Craig’s list dating and decided it wouldn’t hurt to just look.There were men of every shape and size looking for everything under the sun. Some just wanted to talk while others wanted so much more. While looking through the ads I came across one that caught my eye. It was. “What’s wrong?” she asked.My mother looked nervous and sat back. “Nothing,” she said.Randi looked at me and I shrugged. My mom got up and started fiddling around, cleaning up the kitchen, doing busy work.I wasn’t about to get into the same discussion with Randi, so I gulped down the rest of my cereal and got up and left. I looked around, in my room, for my jock strap, but never found it. I did find a pair of last year’s jeans shorts, which I knew were really tight on me, and laid them aside, for later that night.My plan to wear tight shorts didn’t quite work out. That’s because habit kicked in, and I didn’t think about it. I thought about the pictures and all that, but not specifically how to plan for them.What happened was that, after supper, I took my shower, like usual, and put on jockey’s, like usual. I wasn’t aware that Grandma had arrived early, while I was in the shower. She was waiting for me, like Randi had been, in my room, when I got back there.“You ready?” she asked, her.
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